I am just NOT in a happy way right now.

Part of it I'm sure is due to 'coming down' off all the excitement of having out of town friends visit and all that goes into it. Part of it is financial issues. Part of it is not having my usual outlet for venting since all my friends are traveling.

But what has really got me down today is the phone call from DH earlier that he is seriously considering taking a steady job 3 hours away. Now for him, commuting that far is not an option because he has a truck, tools, and pays $4.50 a gallon for gas. So that means ... you guessed it ... living there and coming home on weekends.

Well as you can imagine I was over joyed.

The thought of running four kids to and from school and other parental units in cities far far away ALONE sounds AWESOME!

Making dinners, cleaning house, grocery shopping, evenings, mornings, school functions - all sound SO ENTERTAINING to do ALONE.

Watching stupid or amazing TV and having no one to mock or enjoy it with sounds RIVITING!

Going to bed ALONE and having the house completely quiet except for all those creaks and cracks you never hear when your man sleeps next to you sounds like it won't TERRIFY ME in the least!

Listening to 1-4 kids telling 1-4 stories at THE SAME TIME with no one there to rescue me sounds like THE FUNNEST EVENING EVER!

OK, I know, I'm whining. I am. People work with this situation all the time. People in the military, or working away from family to make ends meat or whatever, people do it all the time. But not us. We don't function as well away from each other as we do together. I suppose that sounds lame, but my life has become so centered around him and this family we have together, that I just don't know how well I will do if he's only there on weekends! Or more to the point, how well WE will do.

I know we'll just do it, find a way. Make it work and all that. But really, I just don't know how OUR relationship will handle it. The more we are together, the more we WANT to be together and feel the NEED to be together. That's just how we are.

So I wonder...if we learn to live apart on a daily basis, how will we be when we're together? I mean I get the whole "absence make the heart grow fonder" thing, but if it's a way of life, will we just grow apart?

I know of a few women around here who have husbands that work certain hours that they are away MOST of the time or only come home on weekends. These relationships are LESS than healthy. But how much of that is due to the time cercumstances? And have they just not tried hard enough to appreciate the time they have together?

And then there's the fact that I RELY on him for A LOT. I mean, if he's gone for a WEEK he could come home and find our house taken over by spiders! And we all cower in the corner under their new regime! Or we weigh 300lbs each because I CAN'T COOK! and we have to eat out all the time! Or the garbage in the garage reaches the ceiling because HE's the one that takes it to the can!!!! MY GOD! CHAOS! UTTER CHAOS!

Ok, so the last part was a little over dramatic, but the rest could be true!

I guess I've gone on long enough with my whinning, but I had to get it out and I really had no one to talk to. All my friends are traveling and I just can't bring myself to worry him about it. He has enough on his mind and on his shoulders. What I say to him is "I'll support whatever decision you make because I know it's best for our family. We WILL make it work."

And then find a way to make myself believe it and ... make it work.