Today has been a rough day, and it's only 12:30 in the afternoon. With the baby being under the weather for the last few days I haven't been taking her naughty behavior too seriously but starting thinking differently last night. She'd been having "one of the those days" yet AGAIN and was having issues with going to bed. Usually she goes down at around 7ish but last night was up crying/talking/screwin around until 9:00. Not too serious, it was just hard to listen to her on the monitor for two hours and having to keep checking whether or not she had gotten out - which she has now mastered. Then I tried to go to bed but was all wound up so I ended up watching TV on the couch until almost 1(!). Then just as I was heading off to bed, the monitor LIT up with SCREAMING.

I don't know what it is about this kid but her scream could wake the dead, and bring them to your door to tell you to SHUT THAT KID UP! Normally, and with my other two girls, I would check on them but let them cry it out, I guess that's just how I roll. But if you have read any of my older posts you know that is NOT the case with this one. Which brings me to the question...

Is the last one ALWAYS the hardest?

I tried to let her cry but she was waking up my other kids and I don't know how to explain it but I KNEW she wasn't going back down. And that is what I mean. I have never experienced this level of stubborn with one of my kids. I mean all kids, especially at two, have a streak to them, but I just don't remember it being THIS bad. Which makes me wonder...Do I just not REMEMBER it that way? I mean I think there is a level of amnesia that over comes you to a certain degree, mostly with labor I have noticed. I can barely remember how awful it was at the time ya know? I look back on things I wrote afterward and THEN I remember more, but still, it just doesn't seem so bad. Do we do that while raising our kids too? If we didn't, would we ALL be an only child?

So when I knew she wasn't going back to sleep I brought her down and laid on the couch. It looked like she might go back to sleep for a few minutes, then she started wigglin and then got up and started handing me toys. Sigh...so much for THAT idea. So I took her in the bedroom cause I have it pretty secure in there, turned on a movie and laid down with her - it was 2:00am. I dozed in and out on and off, scared she would do something crazy like catapolt herself off the amoire and onto my head in some crazy kamikaze stunt. I was praying she would get tired and fall back asleep either on the bed, the floor, WHATEVER - somewhere - but NO. So, at 6:30 we all got up and started our day like normal - HA!

Now, I know a lot of people deal with the non sleep issue and this probably doesn't sound too bad but what I am mostly thinking about is my level of persistance with this one. I have always believed that my kids were a direct result of my parenting, that's easy to say when you kids are easy ;-) Now, understand I'm not trying to relieve myself of my part in her attitude problems. What I would really like is some advice. We try so hard to be firm with her, I've never dealt with a kid who was so willful and outright NUTS sometimes!

Got the girls to school and we were waiting outside for her class to open. She kept running around and falling down and running off so I picked her up and tried to keep her with me by the class door. She.lost.her.mind. She was throwing herself on the concrete, banging her head into the ground, and SCREAMING. When I picked her up she threw herself back with so much force I almost dropped her and banged into other people. All because she wanted to run around and I said no, all of this in front of A LOT of other parents. I felt like throwing MYSELF on the ground and banging my head into the ground, seems like that's what I'm doing anyway. That lasted all the way through the class and out to the car and ALWAYS gets worse when I try to put her IN the car.

Now don't get me wrong. I tell her no and I stick to it. It doesn't seem to matter. She loses her mind and acts like she gets her way - but she NEVER does! So WHY does she do it? Does she think EVENTUALLY I will give up? I sure feel like it sometimes. Lately, I have had to up the anty with my stubbornness. With this whole getting-out-of-bed-anytime-I-feel-like thing I have to stand by the door , out of sight, until she falls asleep so I can run in there and tell her no when she throws her leg over the bar. I was standing there one time, for 20 minutes, and thought to myself 'This is just a level of stubborn I have never dealt with before...I have to be MORE stubborn'. Is that the key? See, now I can't say I am the same with her than I was with the other girls, I realize I'm not. I just can't be. But is that just a cop out? I don't think I'm just being lazy or easy on her for any reason in particular. Maybe it's because I just don't have the time I did with the others. How do I make up for that? And is it too late?

I don't want to have a brat on my hands for the rest of time! I can barely handle her now, what is she going to be like as a teenager? It's not that I'm giving up or that I'm not doing anything about her behavior, I just need/want some ideas - maybe you've been through this before and have some tricks that worked? PLEASE TELL ME! I can use all the help I can get! Or maybe this is just a phase that I have been through before, I just don't remember, and this too shall pass. I don't know...I think it's the sleep deprivation talking. Or this crazy baby wandering around driving me CRAZY!!!!!! HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP....