Today is my first born's birthday. She turned 10 today. She's with her dad today. I miss her.

I called and sang 'Happy Birthday' to her, but it just didn't feel the same. She was out and about, doing fun birthday stuff, and I wish more than anything I was with her. Things are what they are, that's how divorce is I guess.

I would have put up pictures of her BIRTHday like I did with my other two daughter's birthday posts here and here, but my scanner/printer is AWOL at the moment :-/ So I shall proceed without.

Her BIRTHday started out with her a week late and stubborn as all get out {takes after Mama :-D} My {1st} husband and I were living in Arizona at the time while he was in college. We were pretty much alone so my mom drove out the day before to help. I woke up at 5:00 in the morning, showered, shaved, put on a little make up {can you tell I was only 19 and this was my 1st?} and tried to mentally prepare for what we were about to go through. We left for the hospital around 6, my mom dropped us off cause did I mention that we didn't have a car at the time? :-) She went home and took a nap and came back when the action started.

It's funny to think back on it now with all my veteran experience. I packed movies, a deck of cards, magazines, other useless crap - all the stuff they TELL you to pack but you NEVER use cause really, who wants to look at Cosmo or play Hearts in between contractions? They checked me and I was at a 0 and 0% effaced - so basically, even a week late, we were starting from scratch here. They hooked me up to stuff and things really didn't get going for a couple hours, though I remember it feeling like minutes. Then once they started the IV fluids, even before the Pitocin, I started feeling VERY VERY weird.

All of a sudden I was very very sleepy. I sorta laid down and felt my heart fluttering. Then I started hearing what I can only describe as water in my head. I swear it felt like water sloshing around from one ear to the other. Then my chest started hurting . . . really really badly. I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried to call my mom and my husband, but I couldn't. Then the pain got so bad I started to cry, but I still couldn't move or speak. So I laid there, tears streaming down my face feeling like my chest was going to explode and I couldn't move. My mom was the one who noticed it, she asked me if I was ok, what the hell was going on? I can remember trying to SCREAM at her but all I could get out was a whisper 'chest . . . hurts'. She and my husband ran outside and called for the nurse . . . then next hour was a blur of machines, people, and tests. Slowly I started to come out of whatever the HELL it was that had happened to me. I told them everything that happened and after all of it, they couldn't find a thing. They had NO IDEA what had happened. The only thing I noticed and wondered about was how fast my IV fluid had gone in - the first bag took only 10 minutes to drain into my body whereas the next one took 2 hours. I have heard {don't ask where, I really don't remember, and this could be TOTALLY false info - fyi - just sayin} that flooding the body with too much can give you a heart attack, and that there really is no way to pin point the cause. Now, like I said, that's just what I HEARD, I don't claim to propose it as fact, I just remember it that way.

After that, things went pretty well. When being induced, the Pitocin sends your body into labor at a highly accelerated rate. BOY HOWDY. I went from 0 and 0 to 10 and pushing in 4 hours. In fact the last 6 cm happened in 30 minutes. I got to hear those fun words from the nurse as she reluctantly checked me, thinking I wasn't CLOSE to ready "DON'T PUSH I HAVE TO FIND THE DOCTOR DON'T PUSH!" - HA! Why do they even bother saying it, really? Anyone who has been at that stage and heard those words KNOWS there really is NOTHING you can do about it! Your body itself is doing the pushing for you! Somebody better just be there to catch!

I pushed for maybe 20 minutes and she was out, 7lbs 6oz, 20 1/2". My doctor had at first said he wouldn't need to cut, but then her tiny little blue head appeared and without a word he cut me, pulled her out, held her up, and they took her away. I of course had NO idea what was going on, but my mom's worried face lead me to believe this was perhaps not the norm. She was as blue as a blueberry. I didn't actually get to hold her for quite a little bit. I wanted the whole babys delivered to your chest thing, but she needed some help first I guess.

They worked whatever magic they do and she was just fine. Better than fine. She was the most beautiful baby girl ever. I remember just staring at her, into her beautiful blue eyes for seemed like forever. I wanted to hold her every second I could. In Phoenix they had the baby stay in the room with you at all times and so I would nurse her and she would fall asleep on me, then I would fall asleep too. Until, that is, the know-it-all nurse came in and TOOK HER OFF OF ME saying "Mom should get some sleep" I said "Mom WAS sleeping, thank you" and took my baby right back!

Her dad and I held her just about every moment of the first 24 hours of her life. We were so amazed by this tiny little baby that was now here after months of talking to her and dreaming about her. She was the best baby too, hardly ever cried, just looked pretty all the time ;-)

Now her age has two digits. She's a 'tween - between a little kid and a teenager, and every bit the part. She's the smartest kid I know. She thinks deeply about things and it's so much fun to talk to her about things because she listens, I mean REALLY listens. So mature in ways, so innocent in others. She's so creative and interested in things. When something sparks her interest she wants to know EVERYTHING there is to know about it. She's compassionate and a great friend. She cares so much about other people and making them happy. She has a GREAT sense of humor {from me of course :-D} she makes me laugh all the time. She's a leader and I love that about her, she's not one to follow the crowd.

I am so excited about the stage she, and I, are about to enter into. I don't want to be afraid of talking to her about the important things like the birds and bees, I want to embrace it. I'm so excited to see what choices she makes for herself. To see what things she becomes interested in. I can't wait to have more talks with her, to tell her important things about life. I'm excited to watch her become the woman she's going to be. And I feel blessed every day to be her mother, to know her and be in her life.

Well we're celebrating her birthday tomorrow with the family so I need to get things ready around here!

TNT!

I know, I know, it's been awhile my faithful bloggy peeps - all 3 of ya ;-)

I could say it was because I lacked my internet connection as previously stated, but that would be total crap :-D I just didn't know where, or when, to start. Ever notice that the longer you go without blogging - the more you WANT to but don't?

OH and ya ever notice how reading other people's entries who are always funny/entertaining/interesting/funny will make you feel like you really had nothing to say in the first place?

So yeah, that's me. THAT, and the fact that MOVING SUCKS. We will never move again. EVER. Or at least not until I can hire people to do EVERYTHING for me including stressing out over whether or not the silverware should go in THIS drawer and be closer to the plates, or THIS drawer because it's closer to the food.

I know, I know, my problems make you all weep for me.

I just haven't been inspired. I actually felt hella lame because after a MONTH of having keys to my beautiful new house, I have pictures to share :-( It's mostly because right now they just won't do the place justice. Everything is HALF done. I have painted walls but no baseboards so it looks messy. I have furniture but it needs to be cleaned. I have a mostly done living room but $5 disposable curtains that are held up by blue pad tape - quality ya'll.

However, I think I am getting more in the mood. I know, I know - w00t!

Right now I'm enjoying a cool, crisp autumn morning on my porch. Cup of coffee and computer at my disposal. I would LOVE to say I was enjoying QUIET time, and about 3 minutes ago I was, but now Terrible Two has decided to stake her claim to my sanctuary. And I am letting her. I know I know, it only makes it worse in the long run, but if it keeps her from screaming and let's me be able to sit out here and mostly enjoy it, I'll let her.

Where was I? Ah yes . . . I was bored. So I made coffee {extremely bad because usually DH takes care of that and he is long gone this morning} grabbed the computer and stealthily snuck outside. I just felt that pull to share my feelings this morning, which I have missed.

I think things are starting to settle down around here into some sort of routine, or what I can make of one anyway. I need to stop fighting my OCD need for it and embrace the FUNness that is SCHEDULE. Rebecca was kind enough to send me her daily schedule and it has given me a place to start. She, like me, embraces her OCD as well. So I would like to have a set time or at least time of DAY where I get to write. Hopefully in the morning to I don't have time to go read all you damn funny, entertaining, interesting people and find that it takes A LOT of work to be one of you!

I actually do have posts in mind and will be posting as I find the time. I REALLY want to more often, I need the outlet BELIEVE ME. And I know I know, I am your ONLY source of humor and you NEED ME! ;-) Don't worry - I WILL NOT FAIL YOU! Not after today at least :-D

So that being said - TNT!

So, we are officially "moved in" which means I will not have internet capabilities until I contact Comcast and ya know, get all that done. SO, for the next few days (I HOPE it's only that long) here's a list of my up coming talking points ;-)

• Masterpiece Monday will return HOPEFULLY next Monday in full effect baby! Sorry I couldn't muster up the energy or time for it this week :-(
• I will have MANY pictures of my close to FINISHED house! Most of the furniture is in so I guess we LIVE there now!
• I have entered the odd world "Playdates" and "Mommy Groups"
• My feelings on child bearing years vs. child rearing years
• Baby FEEEEEVER! Don't worry, I don't THINK it's affected me . . . yet ;-)
• Pictures - YAY!
• And much much more!

Ok, so not much of a list but I figure by the time I get my internet back (pray for me ya'll) I should have even MORE to talk about!

OK, so TNT! Wish me luck! And SANITY!!!!

Yes, Yes I do :-D Things have been so crazy the last few weeks and I won't bore you {too much} with every little detail, but I am hoping things will be calming down, in a way. I do not function well amidst chaos. I wish I were one of those people who can get a rush from it and get inspired to get things done and feel like things will be ok - I however - AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I don't like my tiny little world in upheaval. I like to have a schedule, I like having a routine, I like being at HOME when things go haywire so that I can handle it without everyone staring at me. So my last REAL post {minus Masterpiece Mondays} pretty much summed up how the following weeks went. Absolute chaos.

The heat, my God, the HEAT. And I don't know if you have ever tried to cool down a BLACK civic, with four people in it, in 105 degree temps, but it basically DOESNT happen. And having no where to go, and a VERY cranky tired baby and a very hot car, makes for a very long very stressful week. But there were good things! In fact I wrote about some of them on the last post like the girls LOVING their new school and the first day and all, so now you can see the pictures!

This was our FIRST attempt at breakfast, the MOMENT before chaso broke out. The moment where I was congratulating myself on being the master of my universe...then Mad pushed my purse, which pushed my HOT coffee, which SOAKED my poor Lil B :-( and much screaming did ensue, I stopped eventually though :-D

This was breakfast #2 - ICED coffee, Lil B's request "Mommy, you're not going to have HOOOT coffee again, are you :-(" complete with quivering lip.


So from the smiling faces you can see they had a GREAT first day! They made friends, liked their teachers, liked their new school and had a great day, dispite receiving coffee burns :-(


THIS is a week later, Tuesday the 21st, the day of our final walk and day we received the keys to paradise, or our new air conditioned house! We were early and hungry {and thirsty ;-)} so we stopped at Red Robin first. I had a LOVELY Mai Tai :-D


That was gone FAR too quickly :-(


This is during our walk through, that's our friend Dave who is also our 'customer care representative extrodinaire' - lucky guy ;-) - doing his 'this is how you use a dishwasher/microwave/oven' shpiel...


This is what Mad did during the walk through, sprinkling her dried cranberries all over the house like bread crumbs in case she got lost I guess...thing is though, I LOVE this pic, check out her shoes! She had a bit of an accident just before we were to meet dh at lunch so we went to Target next door and I SWEAR I was just gonna get her a cheap little dress or something {she had to look cute at the walk through right?!} then I found THIS and THOSE SHOES! TOO.FREAKING.CUTE right? :-D



These are my attempts at some fancy picture takin ya'll. Which one do you like better, for scrapping purposes, I kinda like the first with the the home depot card stuff and my keys and the nice card from the builder.

And that is me with the keys to the city, or our little part of it anyway :-D

And THIS is the cleanest my garage will EVER be and boy my car looks pretty in there doesn't she :-D

And THIS is my heeeeeeaven, or my jet tub and a glass of wine :-D After the walk we took the baby home and had his mama come over, grabbed a few things, ran to Target & Home Depot, ate at Wing Stop mmmmmm :-D, and went HOME to enjoy our tub and a glass of wine before going back to the old crappy house.

So I guess that's plenty for this post. I will try and post again this week, I hope. I am gonna try and get some posts started so all I gotta do is hit 'publish' and there you go {the 3 of you that still read :-D} I reward loyalty ;-) So...

TNT!

Welcome back to Masterpiece Monday, the only post I have been able to muster up energy and time for over the last several weeks! ;-) I will be back to regular blogging this week I think though, so stay tuned!

My masterpieces this week are not of the scrappy kind. At the new house I have been hard at work getting stuff put away and put together and for me, if it comes out looking 80% like the picture, it's a masterpiece!

So this is a little kitchen I got my youngest daughters who will be sharing a room together for the first time. I wanted to try and find toys they could both have fun using. My 5 year old tends to play with my 9 year old so I think she is getting a little too old for her britches if ya know what I mean. That was part of the reason for putting her with the 2 year old. So far they are LOVING this thing! And it only took like 4 hours to put together! ;-) It was a pain and a half though, mostly cause Mad would come in and take off with a tool or sprocket I needed and I wouldn't know until I had spent 20 minutes looking for it, only to find it hidden in a shoe or a cabinet. But it is done, and it is beautiful, and I did it all by myself!!! w00t! And yes that is a little barbie cake in the microwave and no I didn't put it there ;-) Although, their baking skills do rival my own ;-)

This is a masterpiece in the making. My DH is installing our countertops tonight. It's a royal mess right now, but will be beautiful . . . someday anyway :-D

So, were any of YOU crafty/handy/creative this week? Share with me/us {my 3 readers, who probably only stick around cause they actually KNOW me and feel guilty if they don't} I'd love to see what wonderful creativeness is going on without me! Post about it! Mention MM! Comment! Leave a Mr. Linky! You'll feel GREAT! Well, maybe maybe not, sounded inspiring though didn't it! ;-)

TNT!

Welcome back to Masterpiece Monday! And if this is your first or 3rd time joining us, NO this is NOT just a blog devoted to scrapping or other wonderful examples of creativity, I'm just very very busy :-D And very very far away from my computer most hours of the day. Once we are settled into Rockwell Manor I will update you all (if there are any of you left!) about all the trials and tribulations of the past few weeks - LOOK FORWARD TO THAT! ;-) Be sure and sign up for your update updates now! ;-P

So this week for my masterpiece I put together a child size kitchen. Why is THAT so wonderous and worth of a masterpiece monday spot? Well 1) It took 4 hours to put together and THAT is a long time; 2) cause I got nothin else; 3) cause it's just cute as hell; and 4) cause I wanna :-D

Where IS the picture you say? Well, it's not ACTUALLY taken yet but I will do that later and try to post it tomorrow night, I just wanted you all to know that I am NOT slacking or being lame, just not very scrappy lately. I was also going to take a picture of the room I painted this weekend buuuuut we'll see just how much of a masterpiece THAT turns out to be!

SO I guess this week it will just be you guys! I hope you all got to be creative in whatever it is you like to do, scrapping, cooking, organizing, baking, photography, building child size furniture - WHATEVER! I would LOVE to see it! So go ahead and post your own Masterpiece Monday! Feel free to use this lovely graphic courtesy of Rebecca, mention MM, and submit your Mr. Linky!

TNT!