Just thought I would include these pictures cause they were SO cute! This is us on the Jungle Cruise the first day. This big Mexican lady behind me wouldn't move over so the picture is kinda close up - I think it's cute though :-)

Ok so we are back at the morning of our last day in Disneyland we all got up early and felt completely rejuvenated (sp?)! We decided to forego the real breakfast at Dennys (read: chaotic) and just run through the continental at the hotel. Like the first day, by 7:20 we cleaned out the place of good donuts (anything with chocolate) and we were getting ready to go. Since it was a Monday we called and found that the place opened later than we had though, 9:00 and almost thought to wait and hang out there for awhile. Then we remembered how damn long it takes to get all 7 (SEVEN) of us out the door and in the truck! So we figured getting there a little early was a lot better than a lot late. We threw our stuff together and headed out. When we got there it was like a ghost town! On the way from the tram through Downtown Disney we passed by a Sunglass Hut Kiosk for the FORTIETH time and after having left my glasses at home I said - yes, I think I will get myself some GOOD sunglesses! DH always gets Oakleys so I figured I was due some that cost more than $5 ;-) So he got some coffee at the little kiosk next door and I bought my some awesome Gucci glasses that I LOVE!

I am sure that is not a big suprise. I have tried every single day since my last post to get more pictures loaded and every time it looses the connection. It has become quite frustrating! So, yesterday we went to Best Buy and got a kick ass computer with a kick ass processor (i think ;-) and a kick ass printer/copier/scanner/fax and a kick ass package that includes them setting up everything in the computer and at my house for - are you ready? - wireless DSL! Yes . . . thats right . . . I have LEAPED into the 21st century and gotten rid of dial up. AND i don't have to set up ANYTHING myself which is GREAT because I dont know a modem from a hole in the ground!

This should all be fixed and ready to go by next weekend so that is when I should post next - because if I try it again I may end up smashing my computer :-D - yes I am a LITTLE frustrated. Thanks for hangin in though - I know you are all waiting DESPERATELY to find out whether or not we went on the Matterhorn and if my mother-in-law made it home alive :-)

SO - TIL NEXT WEEK! YAY DSL!

YAY! We have a job! Wednesday, Feb. 7th DH went to an informal interview with someone that he knew of in the business and a few hours later called me to say "How does $X a year sound?" I was so excited, it was just what he was making before with the promise of a substantial increase in 3 months, company truck, and managerial status! I asked if we had the option of Kaiser and he said he didn't know. We hung up and I was so happy and proud of him I was just exstatic. Then he calls back and says "We got Kaiser" - I almost cried. It sounds stupid, but ever since I gave up my Kaiser coverage and had to go HMO I have had NOTHING but trouble. I keep getting bills for stuff that should be paid, stuff that was paid, stuff that I can't and shouldn't have to pay - it's just so messed up. I never had a problem with Kaiser. Not with their service, billing, NOTHING. So, needless to say, that was the clencher for me :-)

So he says, lets go out and celebrate. We went to a little place around our area (couldn't go far...LOST was on in 2 hours ;-) We were talking about the job and his new hours and how things around here would be changing when I said "SO...uh...hear me out here..." and of course I got that look like "Oh GOD you're not pregnant are you?!" I said "what do you think about Disneyland?" It was something we had talked about doing in the future (before he got laid off) something we would do soon though because we all went this year, except M. We REALLY wanted to be the ones to take him and go as family. SO we talked it out and decided we could actually DO IT, THAT weekend! We even decided that we could afford to take his mom with us, all expenses paid, to help out with the baby! We got home and told her all about it, she was kinda "Okay..." - she's not the traveling type. So we didn't tell the kids because we hadn't made the reservations and I didn't want to get their hopes up. So their dad told them instead...jerk. When M got home on Friday we were already packed up and waiting for him. We told him we were going to Disneyland - today - and he about lost his MIND! He was soooooooo excited! So were we.

The EXTREMELY long drive down there wasn't too bad I guess. We had to drive seperately (THANK GOD) because we were taking his mom. We got REALLY REALLY lost when we got there and didn't get to the hotel until almost 2. The great thing was though that even with us in the room, Mad went right to bed, and so did we. Of course though, I woke up like every half hour "is it time yet?" "is it time yet?" - like a little kid :-) Mad woke up early too. Around 6 I hear "ma-MA" - "ma-MA!" so I said without moving "mama ni-night, mad ni-night" - to which she whispers back "Ni-night . . . all done" I laughed so hard I woke up DH so we figured we'd get a start on things.

So the first day we had the lovely continental breakfast at the hotel of bagels, donuts, muffins, and AWFUL coffee. Once my kids were done with the place at 7:30, their were NO donuts left. At first I felt bad for all the other little kids there, but then I though - get up before 9:00 then, it's every disneylander for themselves ;-)

We walked the "2.5" blocks to Disneyland the first day (which was actually more like 2 miles), we didn't do that again. After the inevitable problem with the tickets we finally got inside. We let M decide what ride to go on first and of course he chose Pirates of the Carribean. We all got on and Mad was TERRIFIED. She HATED it and cried, pissing off everyone else I can only assume. He loved it though. We got off and the kids were allready snacky so we sat at a table to figure where to go next and have a snack we brought. Then while sitting on DH's knee, Mad peed . . . everywhere. He picked her up after the warm sensation and looked at me with the sadest, most beatdown look. So I said 'OK, time for Mad's nap" So he took his mom and Mad back to the hotel so she could sleep and we could actually have some fun. I stayed with the kids and we had a GREAT TIME! We went on Tarzan'z Treehouse (formerly Swiss Family Robinson), then on the Jungle Cruise, then the Columbia sailing ship. Then we headed to the front to wait for DH to get back. We were hanging out on Main Street when we saw a familiar face ...

Then I let the kids play a little at the entrance and sat my tired ass on a bench ;-) DH got there with sandwiches and we left to find a place to eat. We went into Tomorrowland and passed the Star Tours ride. The wait was only 20 minutes and that is like nothin for this place so we ran on for DH's turn to pick. It was a lot of fun, neither of the guys had been on it so I kept looking for their reaction. M looked a little concerned part of the time but excited. When we got off he said he LOVED it. We ate and decided to go on the Autopia ride next. That was actually a really fun ride. R got to go on by herself and it was Me and B and DH and M behind us. I think B really though she was driving on this road! She could barely see over the wheel so I pushed the gas but she drove and LOVED IT! I don't know that I have ever seen her that excited! M too. After that we talked the kids into the Haunted Mansion for my pick! That was one of my FAVORITE rides when I was a kid and every time I have gone as an adult it has been made up like that stupid Nightmare Before Christmas movie. So this time it was old school with the rising room, statues that follow you, and the hitch hiking ghosts! I half expected R to hate, she had already told me she was going to, but she actually like it. Then we came around to Fantasy Land and when on the carousel for B and the Story Book Ride for R. After that we decided it was time to head back to the hotel for dinner. DH had cooked up a whole bag of chicken breasts before we left so we could eat at the hotel and save money. We all ate together and talked about what we had done and still wanted to do. We had thought about taking the kids back for fireworks because it was only 7:00 at that point, but they kept whining about their feet hurt and on and on so we said "OK! GOOD NIGHT!" And we went back without em!!!!! At this point, this picture pretty much summed up our feeling...

So we went back and were just going to hang out in Downtown Disney for some drinks, but it was still early and he had never been to California Adventure so we decided to try it out. We went it and it was like deserted! We walked down the Hollywood studios area and went on the Tower of Terror! It was the best ride I have been on! It was GREAT! What I love most about Disneyland is the attention to detail. Everything looks so real in this place, even as an adult. The Tower of Terror ride is made to look like an episode of the Twilight Zone about a hotel. This place looks just like a hotel even through where the lines goes supposedly inside the hotel where the service elevators are, it's just amazing to me. Probably sounds stupid though ;-P We walked around looking at everything, we stopped by these rapids and this rocky area where you could actually imagine you were up in the mountains and we could see the fireworks from disneyland. It was magical :-) THEN we decided it was time for a drink. We went back to our favorite little martini bar right in the middle of Downtown Disney.

The next day was the only day it rained. We got out of the hotel "early" or so we though, and went to Denny's so we could really fill up. Well, Mad didn't do so well. Started her screaming fits before any of us were done and the place was really starting to fill up. We walked back to the hotel (next door), in the rain, feeling kind of disheartened. It was already almost 10:00, we though we were getting out early, and she did NOT like the rain! Back at the hotel we decided it was almost time for her nap anyway so we would switch it up and take her for the latter part of the day. That felt like a weight lifted off of ALL of us. His mom has a tendency to really stress us out. Which makes us snappy, at each other, at the kids, at her. It SUCKS. We were already at that point before breakfast. When we left just us 5 it was so much easier. The sun even came out! It was totally dry by the time we parked the truck! We got into Cali Adventure and went on the Grizzly White Water Raft thing. B was too small so she and I stayed back and DH took R and M. We went around looking at the rocks and stuff and taking pictures, then we watched for them. They got off and were SOAKED! And they thought it was the best thing EVER! Then we went into this kid play area with bridges and rocks and ladders and a whole big thing to play on. Then we went back and went on Soaring Over California. WOW was that amazing! You sit in these seats that come off the ground and fly toward this 4 story tall screne. It looks like you are about to fly INTO the screne! Then they show different areas of Cali like Napa Valley and the mountains and the ocean and the beaches and it looks like you are about to fly into it! VERY REALISTIC. After that the kids talked me into taking them on the water ride AGAIN. So I did, and it was fun! Then we started walking around and found the Wine Tasting area ... halleluia (sp?). The kids asked what we were doing there and I said ... "well we just got done doing stuff for you, now it's OUR turn ;-)" They played and we sipped a little wine, recharging for the other half of the day. Then we went to Paradise Peir. So cool up there. We got lunch and then decided it was time to get M, oh and gramma ;-) So DH left and the kids and I decided to play around on the peir for awhile.

We went on a little Jelly Fish ride and then I let them play in this boat play area while I again, rested my ass on a bench ;-) After that we walked around the peir and went on the carousel. I decided they had been pretty good so I'd break down and get them whatever snack they wanted, mostly cause I wanted a Churro and a REAL coffee ;-) I got R a Mickey ice cream, M a cotton candy and B a churro. Before we even walked 30 feet from R's ice cream it fell on the ground and she looked like she was about to cry. I was just about to tell her I would buy her another $4.00(!) ice cream, a Disney employee walked by and said "if you just take that to the vendor, he'll give you a new one" - I thought that was really nice! We walked over and I was trying to think of what to say about the guy telling me to go over there when the vendor just said "Oh, here let me take that. Here's a new one" It was so nice! I started to realize that EVERYONE there was like that! EVERYONE we had come into contact with. So we took our snacks and my coffee and went to this little area right by the water where there were all these steps but no people, we were completely out of the way so the kids could run around and I could enjoy my coffee. They had fun so we waited there until DH and his mama got there with the baby.

Then we took the kids to "a bugs land" where everything is HUGE and is supposed to make you feel like a bug. At this point we decided to try the leash on Mad again. The first time we tried it, it SUCKED. She kept screaming and falling down and it looked like WE did it. So this time we put it on her and kind of let her lead the way. That worked like a CHARM! She LOVED being able to walk around! She was so happy and in such a good mood! She even smiled for the camera when we took her on her first ride that day.

Things seemed to go GREAT after that! We rode a couple more little kid rides there and then headed toward the exit. We stopped at a souvenier place and I let the kids each spend around $10 but that took like an HOUR! We finally got done and left for dinner at my Uncle Bob and Aunt Alicia's house. That was fun. I don't get to see them as much as I would like and they would have been pretty put out if we didn't make an appearence so we went...tired...dirty...whiney...and that was just me! They rest of em were just as bad. The long days with little sleep were starting to wear on us at that point and it was almost 8 when we GOT there. That is already an hour past Mad's bed time so we expected her to just dissolve at anytime. She did ok for awhile though. His mom was just nuts but that was expected too. She got the kids each a disposable camera too so they loved that. We left around 10 with some very tired kids. When we got back to the hotel we put the kids in bed and headed for the hot tub! It was so nice to just unwind! My aunt even packed us a goodie bag to take out there, wine, cheese & crackers, chocolate covered strawberries, even the plastic cups and napkins! Quite the smorgy! We so needed it too. His mom had really been stressing on him at that point and it was so nice to relax in the hot water. The pool was heated too and it was still like 60-something degrees outside so it was just heaven!

I think I'll have to make this a two parter because I have so many more pics I would love to share but this only lets me put up 5 at a time and takes 45 minutes, plus I just saw how long this was and I have a whole nother day left :-O So . . . til tomorrow (i hope)!

I'm really getting worried. We are on day 8 here people (business days) and nothing. The problem seems to be that the job areas he would like to look in are all having the same issues. New home builders are liquidating their staff right now and there is just no way to know how long that will last. Thing is, he hated that job anyway. But still, to me, a paycheck is a paycheck! I hate that I feel that way. I can't even really tell him that either cause he is EXTREMELY sensitive right now. He'll think I don't believe in him or that I think he can't get a job or something. It's not really that, I just don't like have a family of 6 without a paycheck.

The other day he says to me "So, I hate to say it but I think I may be out of work for a little while." - I about lost it. I just wasn't expecting him to say something like that. This whole time he's been so optimistic so excited even. He kept saying he knew he would get something soon and that maybe we could use the severance pay as like a bonus and take the kids on vacation or something. We would have really been a great place if he had gotten a job right away. He was paid up until a week after they laid him off, he had several days of vacation he got paid for, a month of severance, they even pay our insurance until the end of February. We would have had a NICE cushion, definetily enough to pay off our medical bills AND take a vacation! But then for some reason, he changed his mind.

Thing is, he wasn't upset when he said it. He said it kinda like 'eh - whatever'. He decided to put out handyman adds in the papers and online - HANDYMAN. He said he didn't want to take a step backwards, doesn't that qualify?? I can't say that to him though - OH NO. He says his dad 'used to do the same thing' and that 'it's no big deal'. His dad 'lived off just the one paper in Manteca'. Well, his dad lived in a trailer and DIDN'T have four kids! I just don't see how it can pay the bills? That, and I will not feel safe until there is a gauranteed amount coming into our account on the 1st and 15th. I mean, say this handy man thing brings in $1000 in one week, which he says happens, what about the next week? That is ALL I would be thinking, what about the next week? No matter how much money he made I would NEVER want to spend a PENNY because I would CONSTANTLY be thinking, what about next week? I guess that's my whole control issue rearing it's ugly head. I can't help it. I hate feeling that way too, I'll constantly be stressed out! I already am and it just makes me tired and irritable.

I do like having him around though. I don't have to drag that poor baby around with me when I take and pick up kids all day long. He is always around to help if I need something. He gets up in the morning and helps me with getting her ready so I can get the rest of the kids ready. That has been nice. It's like a never ending weekend. The thing with weekends though...by Sunday, I start looking forward to the week ;-) I just like having my time alone, to get things done or not get things done, it's my time on my clock - whatever! But now he's around all the time and he seems to think it's HIS clock now - HAHA. Plus we get on each others nerves when we are around each other 24/7 - especially if we are stuck in the house, with the kids and the noise. I can handle it usually, but he can't. He gets very frustrated and edgy and snappy and hard to be around. At least right now he has his hunting. He duck hunts and got up at 4:00 Friday morning to go out there. He didn't even shoot at anything but he was in a totally different mood. Just being out and doing something he loves, even if it's by himself, was a good thing for him. The season ends next weekend. He has already informed me that he will be gone all day - both days - next weekend, our weekend with the kids no less. Fun for me but what could I say? It's the last time he will get to do it until November so I kinda have to say "OK! HAVE FUN!!!" He deserves it anyway, if it makes him less depressed then it's a great thing for me!

He has also been working on something for his mom too. She has a rental house that she is trying to fix up to sell. That house needs WORK man. You name it, it needs it. Drywall, windows, electrical, tile, cabinets, appliances, carpet, plumbing - THE WORKS. So she said (insert decrepid old lady voice here) "I'd rather hire you than some other guy to do this stuff" - and at first he was like 'no I gotta find work'. He has now rethought the situation. He doesn't want to do the same thing he was I guess. He keeps telling me that he like DOING stuff, not just sitting at a desk. He likes that he can look back on his work at the end of the day and feel like he accomplished something. I can understand that, I think we all want that in one way or another. So he told her he would do this for this amount and that for that. So he's been installing windows the past two days. He seems to be pretty damn good at it too! They needed to replace 8 windows (!) and he has installed four already! There is a little trim work to be done because the sizes are different but his work is very good. As far as construction type work goes, he seems to be great at everything he touches even if he's never done it before. He installed her cabinets a couple weeks ago and they look great! Too bad that was before she cared to compensate him for his hard work. He was doing all kinds of stuff for her and she basically felt like she was entitled to his help. Like he should pretty much COMPLETELY referbish her house and not want a penny in return - HAHA bitch that AIN'T how it works. This is however giving him the knowledge and experience on different aspects of the referbish process.

Not too long ago he was telling me that is what he wanted to do on the side, to start, buy houses cheap and fix them up to sell. He has the knowledge and the ability to do a lot the work and to know what he is getting into, but have you seen those "Flip That House" shows????? They find all KINDS of crazy stuff and almost blow their budgets and miss deadlines and stuff. THAT WOULD STRESS ME OUT MAN. Maybe they over dramatize it for TV? I hope so because now he seems to think that is the whole reason this mess happened. It's his calling.

But what am I going to do? I don't think I can take the stress of it. Maybe I just need to learn to deal with it. I have talked to him about it and he understands that I need the stability of a regular paycheck, but what can he do if he doesn't have a job? Look for work yeah, but maybe this is the right avenue. He knew what it meant to be the provider. He wanted to be the provider and to take care of his family and to do what it took to make our lives comfortable. I do like that too, knowing that he will make sure that we are ok. I guess I just need to keep that in my head a little more. It's not like he can't make money on the side. One year he did side jobs he made $30,000! ON THE SIDE, on the weekends. That doesn't sound like much but when you think think that it was in his spare time after his full time job, he could have much more opportunity if he put his all into it.

He goes through phases I think, he wants to be the worker bee and get his hands dirty and have something to show for it, until he gets tired of being tired and dirty all the time. Then he wants to be the guy in charge of those guys, sitting at his desk and solving problems with his brain instead of his hands. Until he gets tired of being behind a desk and on the phone all day. I've seen the cycle and I guess I should just let it work itself out. I just need to remind myself that he will take care of us and do what I can to make it easier for him to.

WOW - Do I sound like a simpering house wife or WHAT?! I just don't know that there is anything else I can do. I can't get a job, not a paying one anyway. And to be honest, I like being home with the kids. I mean, they drive me absolutely crazy, but I am getting used to that part ;-) I like being at my own pace, most of the time. I like shopping when everyone else is at work. I like not rushing around so much. I LOVE NOT HAVING A BOSS! Well, not one that talk anyway. I like being able to have friends over when I want, doing what I want and NOT doing what I don't want. I love being able to do stuff for the kids. I like being here for homework and field trips and stuff that my mom didn't get to do. I like the freedom. Maybe that's why I sound the way I do with DH and his stuff. I am grateful to him. He has given me the opportunity to stay home. Well, there was almost no way I COULD work, so he has given me the comfort of being at home and not having to give up too much to do it. So I will stick by his side through this and be supportive of whatever he decides to do because he will always take care of us, that I CAN count on.

I'll just write here and vent a little ;-)

TNT (Till Next Time!)

This is Renee. On January 11th, 2007 the world lost this wonderful woman. I've known Renee since I was 7 years old when she started babysitting me. She had a 3 year old daughter and a 6 week old baby girl already and, I just realized, was only 18. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with my 3 girls and I'm almost 30!! She took care of me and treated me like her own, I never felt like I was just a paycheck. Her daughters and I have grown up together and I feel like they are my sisters. My mom and I always hung out with Renee and the girls and their dad. After a few years they moved to Vacaville and even though she didn't babysit me anymore, they still loved me and wanted me around, so EVERY vacation from school I would go and stay with them. Then I got more into the teen years and saw them less and less. She was at my first wedding though, and grabbed the microphone and toasted to us and used her famous phrase "this is my other daughter, the one I never had to give birth to". I can't even count how many times I heard that, but it seems to mean more now. I moved away, then moved back and she and girls would come for birthdays or showers. But still it felt like we were close, all of us. Like it was one of those relationships that you never really grow away from.

We really started reconnecting when I had my youngest daughter and got remarried. My 'sisters' and I had started hanging out a lot more and getting close again. They were in my wedding and I couldn't have been happier. She was there too and came upstairs while I was getting ready. It was getting late and I was stressed because I didn't have any one to help with my hair and getting on my dress. That was exactly when she showed up. She asked if I needed any help and I almost cried "YES! MY HAIR! MY DRESS! HELP!" She helped me into my dress and pinned my tiara and veil to my head with about 50 bobby pins! She helped me down the hall and the stairs where the little old ladies would stop and say how beautiful I was. She would pipe in with "This is my other daughter! I'm her other mom!" After that day the girls and I have stayed close and I would see and hear from her more often. When one of my 'sisters' recently had a baby I was able to be one of her coaches and Renee told me so many times how glad she was that I was able to be there for her and take care of her when she needed it. At the baby's shower she introduced me as her "other daughter" to just about everyone. Now that I am a mother and think about it more, that really means a lot.

She even remember my birthday and called me. I was in the store and she was telling me how proud she was of me and happy that the girls and I were close again. She even started crying. Course, that seemed to be what happened every time lately. She also called during the holiday dinner I had with the girls and their families. She told me again how proud she was and loved me and how great I had turned out. Then she asked to talk to my husband and told him what a great guy he must be and how happy he seemed to make me. And how she could tell because I had really grown up and become very responsible and that he must be a big part of that - and she cried. I think that was the last time I talked to her.

It's just so sad. She was only 39. She was fun and spontanious. She was loving and caring. She was a wonderful mom and gramma and second mom. She was supportive and understanding. It just seems unreal when I think that I'll never see her again. It felt weird and wrong when she wasn't at the memorial service. I kept expecting to see her come around the corner and then it reminded me that she never would. I can't even begin to comprehend what her girls must be feeling. They all were so close and this is so wrong and unexpected. I don't even really think that it has sunken in for me. She was just so young and wonderful and loved - she deserved so much more.

I miss her. It really makes me think just how fragile life can be and how quickly it can be taken away. She seemed so much more in touch lately. Not just with me, but she was making contact with people that she hadn't talked to in years. She just seemed to be getting her self and things together. Maybe that is what I'll try to take from this whole horrible thing. Let people know what they mean to you. Not just once, but when ever you feel it - every time you feel it. Be connected to people and let them in. Who knows how long we are here for, there just isn't a day you can take for granted. I miss her.

At this moment, my husband is in his boss's office getting the official word that he has been laid off. Yeah, that's right, now we are now a family of six with no income. He told me last night after trying to keep it to himself and not being able to for very long. It started off as a possiblity but by the end of the night it was confirmed by his boss. Appearently, he didn't know until late yesterday himself. It was a corporate decided thing and no one in the chain of command here was consulted or even knew about it until the list came in yesterday. Just cut-backs they said, nothing personal, not based on performance. Well that would HAVE to be true since his 'friend' kept his job! His friend who lies on his reports to make his numbers look better - who only has one kid to worry about - who has an able bodied wife who COULD work but doesn't want to - who has no house payment - gets to keep his job and feel totally superior.

I'm extremely stressed out. Knots in my stomach all night and day today. I do not deal well with money uncertantees. We were just about to be doing ok too. He was getting a bonus we found out yesterday when we thought the company had cut them out. That was going to get us caught up on some outstanding medical bills that were mounting up. Now we'll be losing our vision insurance that pays for us to see Mad's eye specialist in San Francisco. She's going to need glasses before she is two he said. Glasses are expensive enough WITH insurance, and I can only imagine how many pairs this little monster will tear through. We will also lose our gym membership since it's through his work, something we NEED BADLY.

He seems to be dealing with it pretty good though. He seems to have a positive outlook now. He was bad off yesterday, that worried me. He is always in control, always has an idea or a way out or whatever. Last night I guess he was still processing it cause he just looked like he wanted to cry and kept appologizing to me. I did what I could to try and make him feel better but I just kept thinking about the bills and how are going to pay for this and that and whatever. I was distracted and I think he thought I was mad or something. This morning he woke up pretty damn chipper for 5:30 am. Decided to go to work early, get things taken care of, go out to breakfast, work on his resume, go to his LAY OFF meeting, go back to work and finish things up, go out to lunch with boss, head home. He was oddly calm about it. I think I am more worried than HE IS. Ya know what though, I think that actually makes me feel better. I even thanked him for it this morning when I met him for breakfast. It makes me feel like I don't have to hide that I am worried and just be thinking of how to put on a good show for him, hide my true feelings. That in it's self was comforting. He has a wonderful way of doing that for me.

I know this could end up being for the good anyway. He was starting to HATE his job. He was starting to HATE people! I could only see things get worse in that way if he had stayed there any longer. And sometimes you just need that little push to get you out of a bad situation that you think you are stuck in. Same thing happened to me a few years back. I was stuck at a job for 5 years that I hated. I worked alone all day sometimes and when my boss was there, he was an absolute ASSHOLE. I would start shaking everytime he called me into his office. My first day back from a week long vacation to LA, I walked in at 8:30 like normal and walked out at 8:40 with my last paycheck. Right before Christmas too. At first I was scared to death of what might happen, but looking back now, that was the BEST thing that could have happened. I was so unhappy it was ruining my life! So I got that little push that turned out to be a great blessing. I hope this does too. I am fairly sure it will. I just keep thinking about having four little people depending on us, and ME personally not being able to do ANYTHING about it. That must be it - the control issue for me. I can't fix this, I can't even really help, that frustrates me to no end. I think and hope his calm will rub off on me soon though, and not the other way around with me upsetting him.

So just pray for us, keep us in your minds and hearts. I will keep ya posted...

Yes . . . it IS a good morning! A rough night but a great morning! First things first. I thought I would post a few cute pics today.

These pics are of all of us enjoying the sunshine . . .

This little missy is different. She's been my biggest challenge from the beginning in EVERY facet of life. But usually I am pretty good at being on top of the kids, I don't let them get away with shit because they have no reason too. So I started thinking last night as I laid down "why should I treat her any different? Why should she get away with shit? The other kids will eventually begin to see that and feel like we favor her" - and on and on I thought. And it's true. My mom said to me the other day "Whatever you do - don't baby her. The other kids will see and think you love her more - I did. They let Judy get away with everything!" My mom's family was a similar dynamic of four kids - 3 girls, 1 boy. I said "That's probably cause they were TIRED!" She had a point though.


So last night she woke up at 1:00 like clockwork. I heard her pitiful little cry through the monitor but didn't LEAP out of bed like usual. I waited and interperted the cry as "I lost my binky - get it for me". I waited and it only lasted a few minutes and she was back out! WHEW . . . right? HAHA! At about 4:00 I woke to the same cry "I lost my binky - get it for me" but this time it didn't go away after a few minutes, it got louder. And louder. And LOUDER. More insistant and pretty soon the cry was "Bitch get UP here and get my BINKY!". I knew she was ok though so I stayed in bed. It got sooooooo baaaaaaaad. It went on for AN HOUR, but finally at 5:00 she gave up out of pure exhaustion and went back to sleep . . . UNTIL 8:00!!!!!!! I got to stay in bed until 8:00!!!!!!!! DH was late to work because we have no alarm clock and didn't wake until 7. WOW, was it great. It made up for the hours of crying last night. She got up and was in a GREAT mood! SO WAS I! We went out to Starbucks because I still have not gotten my creamer and have been doing great since! I have two more nights that I can let her cry it out (then the kids come home) and I'm hoping that will be all it takes. I kinda doubt it but I'm hopeful. It would make such a difference. I'm not asking for 8:00 everyday but at least 6:30 or so! Anyway - what a GREAT start to my day!


I am feeling empowered today! I took advantage of DH giving me some much needed time off yesterday and went SHOPPING! I stuck to my gift card budget and got some decor stuff for the house that I am actually excited about! I have a lot of cleaning and putting away to do, but that seems a lot easier to do when you have something pretty to put in place :-D This is the first time that I have really decorated a house like this. I love my house and this year I got summer decor, fall stuff, Christmas stuff, and now I have some stuff I like so much I might keep for awhile! I hope anyway - don't know if I can take what I have in my head and actually get it to look good, that has always been a challenge for me. But I am EXCITED about it and that feels good.


I am also excited because DH and I might get to go out tonight! Lodi does this great and fun and FREE thing on the first Friday each month. It's called the Art Hop. Several places in Lodi host different artists and have showings and wine and snacks. We went last month and had a GREAT time. It was so fun to walk around and sample different wineries and different artists. Now that DH has gotten his creative streak back (he is an AMAZING artist) he is all into it. And it's fun to look at the paintings and photos with an artist's point of view too. I am trying to convince him to joint because these artists sell their paintings at these shows and make A LOT of money on them. He has entered the "Art and Wine on the Square" show this June and is SO excited about it. He has such a talent for it that it would be a shame to waste it. It will be so nice to spend some time alone though - we need it.

Anyway, that's my story for today...

Today, 5 things I am grateful for...

I am grateful that I got to sleep in!
I am grateful for my gift cards!
I am grateful for weekends off!
I am grateful my friends have blogs I can read!
I am grateful DH and I might get some time alone tonight!

Does everyone or anyone else get these? Seems like that last week really, I've just been blue. Things that would normally get me excited don't and things that would normally not upset me are. Maybe it's those winter blues. I haven't been opening up my curtains as much and I notice that if I don't have a lot of natural light I just feel tired and blah. I just either don't think about it or just don't want to bother. Then I just end up curling up on the couch with a big blankie and feeling sorry for myself but I'm not even sure what about!!!

I think it's starting to bug DH too. I know it bugs me when he gets like that. It could be that I don't even leave the house these days. Leading up to the holidays I always had to get up and out to take the girls to school, then to pick up one, then to pick up another. I HATED making three trips to Lodi from Stockton before 3 in the afternoon but maybe I needed it? Well, maybe I don't need three ;-) I really didn't talk to anyone though so I don't know what the difference is.

I tried to get out of the house yesterday. We had all the kids this weekend and they were driving me NUTS by the time they left on Tuesday. I really hate saying that A) because they are my kids and B) because it's not like I have them all the time. But sometimes man! I just want to pull my hair out! They were snapping at each other, they were snapping at me! I was snapping at the them...it was just bad. I think maybe they are feeling this whole 'winter/post holiday blues' thing too. They are used to the constant stimulation of school and friends and stuff, but here they just have me and each other - F - U - N.

Yesterday though I was just at my wits end. Then I heard M say to B in a taunting tone "well MY mom HATES Christine" - and I stopped and was like 'whoa did i just hear that right?' So I asked him about it. It was the way he said it that bothered me most. He said that she hated his dad and hated me too. I said more than I should have I guess. I just said that she had never even met me or talked to me so why would she hate me? He said he didn't know. See, I shouldn't have asked him that, I was just keyed up I guess. He said she said it right before Christmas and that would have been the day that he gave her the gift that *I* offered to help him make for her! We were making gift jars for the teachers etc and I asked if he would like to make something for his mom. I was thinking that it would be fun for him to give her something she could open on Christmas that he helped make. So he picked out the recipe for a cookie mix with nuts because "my mom likes nuts!" and measured and poured all the ingredients himself. He was so excited to give it to her. I even gave him a gift bag so she wouldn't see it until she opened it. Then I find out that her reaction was to say to her OWN SON that she hates his dad and his stepmom. SHE WAS THE ONE THAT CHEATED ON HIM - REPEATEDLY! Stupid bitch. For some reason, the whole thing just made me sad. More upset that I normally would have felt I think. So I decided that after DH got home I would get out and have a little time alone. I had all these gift cards and I really wanted to get a jump on decorating the house.

Well - I decided to go to Peir 1 first. I found some wine glasses we wanted that were REALLY cheap and thought I should check my purse and make sure I brought my gift card cause that would SUCK if I forgot it right? Well...it did suck. In my purse was my camera, phone, lip gloss, AND THATS IT. I had not a gift card, not a debit card, not a credit card in sight - not even my license. I was pretty bummed, pretty DAMN bummed in fact. I was just not in the mood to drive ALL the way home and turn around and drive ALL the way back either. So I decided to wander around and see if I could get some ideas on how to deck out the house. I don't know if it was because I was already disappointed or if it was the fact that I SUCK at decorating but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even decide what color scheme to go with. I was just in blah (it's like being in awe - but bad). I was in blah.

I had planned on going to Target to spend gift card $ too but just figured that would be a total waste of time. All I did have with me was my Starbucks gift card but I was so pissed that even THAT didn't sound good! I asked DH what we were having for dinner and nothing sounded good - but I couldn't pick anything up either! So I went home. I said "ya know, you could make it to Raleys before they close the chinese food!" - he said "yeah YOU could!" He tried to say that I should look at it as a way to get outta the house with no kids! YAY! right? I was like "NO - this is like running and errand - not fun!" Then there was a knock on the back door (or should I say a BANG with a bunch of muttering behind it - mom-in-law) So I said "OK - I'm out!" grabbed my purse and RAN for the door ;-)

We had dinner and he had to get some hunting stuff together out in the cold-ASS garage so I opened a bottle of wine and went to my room. I watched this new show I had been waiting to see with a glass (or two ;-) of my favorite wine. Then DH and I got to have some quality time together - and then went to sleep. So I guess the day didn't end too badly. However, Mad got up same time this morning at 5:30.

The last few days I have just not been able to wake up like normal! Normally I would bring her down and let her watch a show while I wake up and then get her breakfast and start my day. But the last like week or more, I just bring her down to our room with a cup of milk and her show on until like 8:00!!!!! There isn't anything she could hurt herself on or anything and no other kids here so I just let her run amok in my room. Scattering my books, tearing ALL her folded clothes out of her drawers, pulling all of my unmentionables out of their drawers...etc. Making WAY more work for me but I just can't seem to drag my big ol ass outta bed! Not even coffee does it anymore. I tried the coffee thing this morning and started the pot before I found that my creamer was gone :-( I decided I would slum it and try this Hazelnut stuff we had (I'm kinda particular about my creamer) but it was expired. After debating it in my head for what seemed like an hour, I poured it out - good thing too caused it was all curdled...GROSS. So then I decided to try this creamer I bought for our holiday party but we never made coffee so it was still unopened. But its like Pumpkin Chai Latte Pie Spice or some crap. I was a little weary but forged ahead. BAD IDEA. It is sooooooo bad. And I tried adding sugar, less coffee, more coffee ... nothin worked. So I wasted a pot of coffee and have nothing to wake me up now. :-(

See, now is ANY of this entry something to get upset about? I keep thinking no and yet I am. So...is anyone else feeling this way? I know why I do, I just don't know how to fix it! Does ANYONE have any brilliant ideas here?! I need the help cause I got another week until they go back to school and then its still winter so I don't know how I'll feel then. I sound pathetic. Sighhhhhhh . . .

5 Things I am Grateful For Today...

I am grateful that I am not in a mental institution.
I am grateful that the weather is nice and maybe I can let my heathen kids outside.
I am grateful that the baby is taking her nap.
I am grateful that my kids are playing quietly, for now.
I am grateful that I have the internet.

Sighhhhhh . . .

Well I hope you all had a good evening yesterday and are enjoying your new year. I don't usually do the whole resolution thing but I did have a good idea that I am going to start today I think. I've heard about people like Oprah I think who make a list everyday of 5 things they are thankful for. Since I seem to be doing this thing daily or close to it, that might work. Plus I think it would be a nice way to end the blog for me since some of my entries will be vents. So yeah, I think I will try that at the end of this entry since I will be venting.

Well after much debate throughout the day on whether or not to go out - we did end up going to his boss's house afterall. I don't know if DH is going through an episode right now or what but he seems to be getting more and more antisocial. He was literally freaking out yesterday at the thought of going! I was getting a little worried. He just kept saying how he hates people because everyone is fake and no one cares for each other and he hates making conversation because it's fake and on and on and ON. Mostly because of the people he works with, both co-workers and customers. I can see why that would affect him, it used to affect me too when I had to handle pissed off people all day. But DAMN! He was just loosin it. And this whole week leading up he sounded excited! Like it was going to be fun and a great time with the kids and all that.

He also says that it has to do with my HATRED (and i DONT use that term lightly) for his best friend and wife. Mostly the wife but it's becoming the friend too. Ever since Christmas Day when they came over I have just been so angry with them both I couldn't see past it. And I have felt that way before, a few months ago, and refused to be anywhere near them until he invited them for Christmas. I thought I might give it another chance - HA!

My issue is with the way they treat him. Well, I hate her completely but that was what got me the other day. Recently this guy that is supposed to be his best friend is treating him like an idiot in front of other people. When they are alone, all is well. But the last THREE times we ...

Hold on kids are freaking out for breakfast and I need some coffee to give this story justice - BRB (be right back ;-)

AHHHHHHHHHH - ok now where was I? ;-) Oh yeah I hate that big bitch...so I started noticing it at the Christmas party. When we were hanging out in their hotel room having a glass of champagne everything was great. By the time we got to the winery it was all different. Now this whole time DH is battling a VERY nasty flu bug so he is talking loud because his ears are plugged and seemed a bit whoozy cause he had taken some medicine - but he wasn't acting dumb. This guy was acting like DH was hammered! Now, I KNOW that this guy WAS drunk at the time because he told DH later that he started drinking WAY before the wife got home. Something he does all the time! He keeps rum in this truck and sneaks a shot before he goes in the house or whenever he goes out to the truck! Tell me that isn't a problem. Anyway~ We sat at the same table and from the moment they sat down, he had his back to DH THE WHOLE TIME. Everytime he tried to talk to this guy he would turn his head to the side and make some one or two word comment like "yeah" or "whatever" or "I don't care" - but with this RUDE tone of voice! My thinking is that he was trying to take the attention off of himself and how drunk he was and make it look like DH was being a drunk idiot! I know this now because I have seen it several times now. I know when this guy is drunk and I know that the wife looses her mind on him if she finds out. So I guess that is his was of self-preservation. Not the way a best friend should act. This guy talked to the boss the whole time, back to DH sitting right next to him. I was really getting pissed. I think I noticed it more than DH. Well we took our shuttle back early cause we just couldn't handle them or the kareoke anymore. The next day they were up and out and never called like they were going to about breakfast - we were going to lie to get out of it anyway but STILL! RUDE. And yet, what did HE do? We went down to his favorite brewery and got this seasonal beer that he and his friend used to get every year together. He'd missed it for the last two years so he was super excited to get there at the right time this year. So he picked up a jug to take home for this "FRIEND" of his...

Then Christmas - same thing happened. Except his wife was a bigger bitch than I've seen in a while. They were rude and disrespectful and just boarish. Everything they said to DH was condecending. They have no class at all. Too much happened that night to even try to get out - it was just terrible. So I just swore off of them for good. And yes I was pretty open about the fact that I hate this guy AND his wife now. Mostly because of the way the treat DH. Unfortunately, DH thinks it is all just the wife's fault. Which is a HUGE part of it, but you can't take away his responsiblity for the way he acts.

OH and did I mention that I hate their kid too? Well I do.

Anyway I guess I was laying it on pretty thick when DH let me know yesterday that this was a big reason he didn't want to go to the New Years party - they were going to be there. He was all worried that I would say something or create a situation. That actually upset me because I'm sitting her thinking "Hey *I* am not the one who goes out of his way to embarrass you to save face - *I* am not the one who has no class here!" So I starting thinking about it and I guess I was being a little in his face about it.

So we get there and this hoe is all over me! She's like "OH CHRISTINE! COME HERE! HAVE SOME OF MY CHAMPANGE HAVE SOME OF MY WINE! BE MY FRIEND! GOD PLEASE, CAUSE I HAVE NONE!" - ok that last part wasn't exactly what she said - but it's true ;-) It was just weird, very fake. He and she both kept talking to me and I was being good, I was trying to give them a second chance for DH's sake like I told him I would. She tells him to take a picture of us and I was like trying not to touch her - don't want the bitch coodies to rub off ;-) But I was just feeling very weird. So I played it off and tried to enjoy myself. The baby was at home and the kids were playing with the boss's kid so all was well for a little while. Until she goes upstairs and finds that her little brat is "it" at hide and seek. She tells all the kids that they can't play that game because "he'll be sad - DONT RUN AWAY FROM HIM!" - not that HE was complaining. So then we go downstairs and DH is trying to open a bottle of cider for her kid. She keeps telling him that he's doing it wrong in a very condecending tone and then GRABS THE BOTTLE OUT OF HIS HAND and says "You're doing it WRONG. just GIVE it to me let me DO IT - EGH!" like he was some idiot or kid that doesn't know what they're doing! SHE TOOK IT OUT OF HIS HAND. I was so pissed, you don't even know. I just said "Just give it to her before she RIPS it out of your damn hand" - right before she did. A second later I said it about something else she wanted from him "Oh you better give it to her before she RIPS it out of your hand again". - Bitch

THEN - the kids come barreling down the stairs and into the front room. They were playing tag I guess, thats what the boss's kid wanted them to play. This big bitch goes running in there SCREAMING at the kids..."YOU BETTER NOT RUN! YOU BETTER NOT BE RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM! YOU KIDS BETTER KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT NOW!" and she was not talking to her kid - she was talking to MINE. I about LOST it on her. She was screaming! At MY kids! And she didn't even know what was going on! She just heard them running from the kitchen and ran in there screaming at them! She does this with her own kid - who i might add is ONLY 3 - all the time. She's a complete LUNATIC. I walked in after her to see what the hell was going on. They said they were playing tag cause the little girls (8) wanted to. I figured that she would know the rules of her house and the boss had already said it was all fine anyway. So I just calmly tried to tell them not to anyway because I didn't want her yelling at them - in fact I said that to them "Do you want her coming in here and yelling at you like that? NO. I don't either!" She kept saying stuff too as she walked by "You kids can't run around here like that. You can't yell like that" - she yelled louder than all of them put together. And I can understand the kids' issue. The little girl who LIVES there is telling them she wants to do this stuff and that it is ok. SHE was right, it was ok for her. So why then should they get in trouble and screamed at by some crazy lookin nut job?

She continued doing it all night long. I was at my wits end about an hour into it. Then the boss's wife wanted to play poker. I'm not that into it, neither is DH or the boss as it turns out. There was another couple there from their work too that wanted to play. So DH, the boss, and I went and played pool. Where - I might add - that bratty little bastard of their's was THROWING the pool balls onto the table and BOUNCING them off onto the floor! So we kicked him outta the room and hung out there. That was fun. The kids were playing just fine, for a little while, and we got to enjoy some adult conversation without that LUNATIC interrupting everyone. Well the whole time she and her hubby were playing poker their kid was running amok upstairs. He was being a total brat to the other kids, getting into trouble, and where was his ever doting mama? Winning.

So finally around 10 we decided to get the hell out and go home, we only got there at 8. It was just too damn stressful cause everytime we walked in the kitchen for a snack she would say something about how OUR kids were making all the noise upstairs. She also felt the need to tell EVERYONE how bad our baby is! She had a ball telling them how hard she is for us and what a trouble she is. I just didn't think I could keep my mouth shut anymore so we bailed. We got home and got the kids settled into the living room for a little camp out type deal just in time to watch the ball drop. Then we went to bed and had a glass of champange to toast the new year. May it be full of GOOD friends and GOOD times.

And do you know, I didn't take one picture. THAT is how stressed out I was. I didn't even think about. WOW I HATE THEM.

So I hope you all had a good time or at least not a terrible one. And I guess now I will start that thankful list thing...in no particular order ;-)

I am thankful that I have a loving husband.
I am thankful that I have great kids.
I am thankful that I have supportive friends.
I am thankful that I am able to stay at home with my children.
I am thankful that I started this blog!

This is pretty great for venting man!

Well the kids are all in bed and DH is at a hockey game with work people so I guess I have a little time on my hands...whatever shall I do? Clean up - NAH! Laundry - NOPE! Sleep - LATER! Waste time on the damn computer - SOUNDS GREAT! ;-)

This was at our holiday party. I made his moms famous pumpkin pie and told him I needed a picture of him enjoying it like it was the first time. Everybody looked at me like I'd been tippin back the wine in the back room or something. The reason was that I had made the pie originally for Thanksgiving because we spent it in LA with my aunt and uncle. He made the comment some time before that "it just ain't Thanksgiving without my moms pumpkin pie". So I secretly got the recipe from her and took all the ingredients with me. He never had a clue until he came looking for me that morning and weirdly found me in the kitchen! He saw me with a big ol bowl in hand and spices around me and guessed that I was up to something! It was cute though...he was very suprised and loved it. BUT I DIDN'T GET A PICTURE. Yes . . . I wanted a pic of him enjoying the pie for me scrapbook :-/ So at the holiday party I kept bugging him to let me get a good picture and I missed it! So I made him get a second piece and told him "and look like you like it damn it!" - this pic is of him telling me in a very pitiful little voice "but I don't WANT any more pie! I feel sick" - but i got the pic didn't I >:-)





I turned the ripe old age of 29 this year. My mom watched all four kids for us so we could go out and have a nice dinner just the two of us even though it was a Monday. We were going to go to my fav place Rosewood but they just opened this new brewery here in town that was supposed to have just awesome food and drinks. Well - they were ok. A little pricey and the food was eh. The drinks were POWERFUL though! I wasn't even knee deep into my 'pomegranate martini' when I started feeling pretty goooooooood . . . and the 'holiday martini' sealed the deal! I tried it just becase it had white chocolate liquer in it but all I could taste was the courvassierre (SP?) man! WHEW! It was funny cause I was tipsy and DH kept saying "You're so cute when you drink :-)" - I knew I loved him ;-) BUT OH it was so great to get that time out alone. I miss going to dinner just the two of us and sittin all cozy at the bar...sigh.








It must be the loudest toy Costco has ever made. She loved it though and is so cute pushing it around. It was weird this year. All of our older kids were with their other parents until the morning. So we didn't have any of the leaving cookies out or watching for Santa or up late wrapping gifts, which I kinda missed. Mad isn't yet at the stage where she gets excited over this kinda stuff yet or even cares. That was good in the morning though cause she didn't think twice about waiting to open presents until her brother and sisters got home - next time that could be a problem!








I still get so excited that I wake up all night long and can hardly contain myself by 6:00! So I was fine with it when she got up at 5:30. We got up, made coffee, finished a couple gifts, opened our stockings (we had to cause I put something naughty in his ;-), and left separately to get our kids. Me and Mad went to the girls' dad's house and saw Mike my ex-father-in-law. He had a plate full of cookies and a little present for the baby and a gift card for each of us! He is just the sweetest man ever. I've always felt like a real daughter to him. He's always been there for me for ANYTHING, even after the ex and I split. He joked with me one time and said "if I could I'd keep you instead!" So she got her first taste of opening presents and LOVED IT. She RIPPED into it! And loves the little Dora doll he got her.




It was funny how it looked like so much under the tree and DH said, like he does every year, "you know, you went overboard on them this year" - and yet it took NO TIME AT ALL to be reduced to a pile of paper. They had so much fun though, it was exhausting just watching them! Then Mad laid down for a nap and I did too ;-) DH started making food since the moms were about to head over. WOW - and he thought *I* went overboard! These two grammas went crazy! The kids had so much fun ripping into stuff all over again. All the stuff went out on the porch and it looked like a toy store exploded! I made both moms these BEAUTIFUL accordian albums filled with pictures of the family and again I forgot to get a picture first! They loved em though. And Mad's favorite toy was - and still is days later - a set of stacking cups :-D

The rest of the day ended up pretty crappy and all due to some drama from a friend and his wife but I don't even want to think about anymore or I will hate them more than I already do and I might let a few more explitives fly. Anywho~over all it was good and that is what I will keep telling myself until I convince myself :-)

Well I wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year and I hope you all have a great time tomorrow night. We are supposed to go to DH's boss's house so I guess we'll see how that goes!

Well I finally figured out how to upload my Christmas pics from my new camera so I figured now would be a great time to write about it.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I don't know what it is about the music or the cold feeling in the air or the decorations and lights but I just LOVE it. In fact I made DH take me to Disneyland when we went to LA for Thanksgiving because that place is just MAGIC at Christmas. I took my two older girls there a couple of years ago the week of Thanksgiving and it was just amazing to me. So even though he could have cared less about the place and we wasted a whole day there fighting crowds and a cranky baby - we went and had the BEST time - later after we dropped off the baby with my mom :-D So basically I am one of the people who CHEERS when I see the Christmas decorations go up in July. I start thinking of all my preparations at least in October and refer to the "holiday season" the day after Labor Day :-)







Each year I take the kids to the store and let them all pick out an ornament for the year and pick one for the family to sort of symbolize something we did or went through that year. This is the kids decorating the tree and munching on some Christmas cookies. We put up the tree I think the Monday after Thanksgiving since we didn't have the kids until then. They had so much fun and I loved telling stories about each ornament. I used to have to fill it up with bows or balls but the tree is almost full now with just our special ones! Each year we get at least 6 new ones so I guess it's going to be full fast! This year R picked a jeweled snowflake, M picked a Nascar thing, B picked a snowflake (HAS to be like R), and Mad got a Mickey ball to symbolize her first trip to Disneyland. dh and I picked a frame and put in a picture taken of us on our first anniversary and I chose a glass angel ornament for the family that says "The love of a family is life's greatest blessing" - I chose this more so to remind myself ;-) I might need to find a place for it somewhere in the house.


This picture is the kids making these gift jars that we gave out as gifts this year. They each got to choose a recipe for their teachers, mom or dad, grandparents etc and measure out all the ingredients themselves. Then they got to decorate the jars. They had so much fun with it and the jars were quite a hit!


Then there was dh's work's Christmas party. It was a nice excuse to get dressed up, get out of the house alone, and as it turned out get a night away! His work bought rooms at the Sheraton for a major discount so people didn't have to worry about driving home that night. There was a shuttle to and from the party too. We took this picture in front of the tree in the lobby at the hotel before we left. Poor Honey had the flu SO BAD we almost couldn't go. But we had already paid for the hotel and were so damn excited about getting a night to ourselves we went anyway - he's such a trooper ;-) The party sucked since the only entertainment they offered was Kareoke and they didn't offer enough alcohol to make it entertaining. So we left on the first shuttle back. We had a great time though. Our hotel room was gorgeous and we hadn't had a night alone since our wedding night over a year ago so we could have been in a cardboard box and been excited about it ;-) So we made the most of our time. We even got up early and sat on the little porch overlooking these beautiful ponds and fountains with our coffee and just talked for about 2 hours! It was so good for us.


On December 23rd we had a holiday party for my 'sisters' that I've known since I was 6 and their families. I LOVED decorating and being hostess :-D DH cooked a turkey and all the trimmings and it turned out great, I think everyone had fun. I made little mini scrapbooks called paperbag albums for each of them full of pictures of the three of us and they came out soooooooo damn cute I wish I'd taken a picture of em! And yes, I took a picture of my table - I need it for my scrapbook! ;-)



And I think that will be all for now...it has taken me TWO HOURS to get these few pictures to upload to this damn thing. I HATE DIAL-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I guess I will just have to work on getting Christmas Day stuff up tomorrow or something. Whatever. What else is there to do when the baby gets you up at 5?

My beautiful, sweet, angel baby has FINALLY been kicked to the curb! ;-) Meaning she has finally been moved out of our adjoining room! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! Wow, only a year and a half later!

She has by far been my most challenging kid and has always had sleep issues. Nothing dramatic really, just waking up constantly in the middle of the night. I go back in, lay her down, tuck her back in, and MOST of the time that would be it. But lately, the last couple of months I guess, she doesn't always go down without a fight. If she knows that ANYONE is still in the room she cries like the world is coming to an end. So most of the time, DH (dear hubby) and I just head out to the living room and he takes the couch and I get the chair
>:-/ He just bitches too much about his back if he sleeps in the chair. So this has been putting quite the strain on us. We are constantly walking on eggshells when we go in our room. Can't watch TV, can't take a shower, scared to flush the toilet even! All for fear of being kicked out of our own room by our baby! Now, if you know me pretty well, that just ain't gonna fly. But for so long we just put up with it because we needed SLEEP. I've basically become accustomed to waking up at least 1 or 2 times a night to lay her back down, and then get up with her at 5:30am - but now this adding of insult to injury and being sent to the living room - OH NO MISSY.

The straw that broke my back though, was that recently she started waking up when we were . . . being intimate (that sounds so gay) and that was becoming a real problem. We are a pretty active couple, always have been, and that neven woke her up before so we counted ourselves lucky! But lately we've both been so stressed out and afraid to wake her that it's really taken a toll on us both. We NEED that time to be together to be a couple and be loving together. It's been a rough road adjusting to being single, then dating someone with a kid(s), then getting pregnant and having a baby, moving in together, getting married and becoming a stepparent with four kids - all in the space of 2 1/2 years. We don't get much time alone together anymore since we don't have many babysitters so that time alone has become EXTREMELY important. I've noticed that we both get pretty snippy toward each other and the kids if it's been more than 3 days in between! But when we have time together, even just to talk or watch a movie cuddled up or have a glass of wine - ALONE, we are so much more loving with each other. We communicate better, touch and cuddle more, and just enjoy each other more. Which in turn makes us better parents too. We are more patient and less stressed out and on edge. It's real easy to snap when four kids need your constant attention and you've had no sleep and no sex, believe me.

So last night after we went and spent an hour in the Sprint store trying to change out our NexTel service we decided to eat out somewhere. One of my favorite restaurants was right there in the area, Strings. We used to go there all the time when we were dating cause they had my all time fav wine that NO ONE had. So I was saying how we could unwind and have a glass of wine and she could have pizza cause she LOVES that. He brought up that maybe we should just go to Round Table cause he'd rather be in a pizza joint when she freaked out (as she usually does) than in a nice restaurant. I decided he was right so we headed over. We sat down with our beer waiting for the pizza, holding hands, looking into each others eyes (the baby was quite for the 3 minutes that took place) and we both said, at the same time - "I wish we could move her out of our room" - funny. So we started talking about it. Our house has two bedrooms upstairs (the kids' rooms) and the master with retreat downstairs so we really didn't think we had any options. Then we decided that maybe she could just sleep in his son's room since he is only here half the time. He sleeps so deep that I don't even think she COULD wake him up. And if she did, we could just transplant him to the couch and he wouldn't even know. Plus, half the time she would be alone anyway! We looked at each other like "How did we not think of this before?" So we debated and ended up decided to try it out last night.

We got home and changed her for bed. Moved all her stuff upstairs and took her too. We tiptoed downstairs and waited. Nothin. Then we went in our room and almost cried with joy! We took a shower, watched some TV, had a glass of wine, got dirty, and went to sleep - it was like we were on vacation! It felt like we were staying in a hotel or something, the room just didn't feel like ours. It was wonderful. Oh it was just heaven. She did wake up around 1:00 and still got up at 5:30 but it didn't seem so awful somehow. Now she is taking her nap upstairs and I have the freedom to put away my laundry in the bedroom or do the dishes or WHATEVER I want because she won't hear me! YAY! I'm already planning out something for tonight, maybe light some candles - something we used to do all the time before she came. The first and last time I tried it the smoke alarm went off in our room, right in the middle of things, and she didn't sleep again for the rest of the night!

Wow I'm long winded. So that's it for now I guess, no morel to the story or anything, just a happy ending for last night anyway - but I'll take it! Iit feels nice to share :-) So thanks for listening...or whatever ;-)

Well I guess I don't really know what to write or how to start this whole thing. Let's explore the 5 W's - Why, What, Who, Where, and When...

I suppose I've thought about doing this online journal thing for awhile but I was a little worried about having everyone in my business. Then I realized that there isn't much that I don't tell people, I'm pretty open, so I wouldn't have to leave too much out. I'll just have to be careful who I invite to this thing ;-)

My friend recently moved and has also started a blog. Through her site I've been able to see pictures I wouldn't normally have seen or hear stories I might have missed. I can feel connected to her and it's almost like she's here/I'm there. It gives her friends a family a way to keep in touch and updated. I love that idea. I also love that she has an opportunity to express herself. So yes . . . I totally copied her ;-)

So I guess this is my attempt at staying connected to people. I am a stay-home mom and that has been a HUGE adjustment for me. I have almost always worked and taken care of myself and everyone else. And I will admit it, I need attention. I am a storyteller, I love to talk to be listened to. I love to make people laugh cause it makes me laugh. And unfortunately, unless I make fart noises, my kids don't think I'm very funny ;-)

I guess that's my selfish reason for doing it. As far as I am concerned that's just fine. I spend the majority of my time taking care of everyone else so if I can take a little time for myself and tell a story or vent or post a picture or WHATEVER - then I say GOOD FOR ME! I DESERVE IT DAMN IT! :-)

I think I am a pretty outspoken person so I would expect this little experiment of mine to be the same. I usually try to email the same way I talk, I think it just sounds more personal. To me, that is what this is about, for me to be me. So just to let you know, if you don't already ;-) - I tend to have a mouth like a sailor, so don't be shocked if 'damn' is the least shocking word you see here. I'm not doing this to try and present things like everything is wonderful and roses and popies all the time - you'd KNOW I was lying! I am hoping this gives me the chance to be myself and explore whatevers running around in my head at any given time. And if anyone reads it or even better LIKES it, then SUPER! it's a great added bonus. And if not - Fuck it :-D - See, I warned ya!